One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. I'm impressed! While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. August 15, 2021. Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!" Soldier: "No way, you guys had air conditioners? A LOOtenant! Marine: Wait, stop. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? Its got to be the Air Force because theyre U.S. AF! How tough? At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. When they landed, the pilot turned to Warren and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. He needed COVER! Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Home; Jokes; Pictures; Videos; GIFs; Runway 37 Comics; Weird Wings; Today I Learned; Quizzes; Jokes. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". Attention! An officer asked if I knew what it meant. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. Why arent there any insects in an Army base? What did one panicking sailor say to the other? In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. 49. Flight Announcements 4. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Killed bin Laden. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. We were a tough group. All you have to do is remove the dirt.. Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. USMC: OHH! I say again, stand down and divert your course. Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. But yours is.. If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. SUB sandwiches! What happened Sergeant? When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. 9. Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! A PETTY officer! Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. OHH OHOH! After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. Officer: Soldier. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. 44. Even his son turned up. It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? ", 55. They know how to take up space. If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. Their one extravagance: a bare light bulb theyd hung from the ceiling. One guy was reading a newspaper article from back home about a congressional investigation into why some troops were living in relative luxury. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. Do not attempt to shave with fire. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. 2. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. 14. Read more. 66. Killed bin Laden. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. They bagged six. The sailor calls out and says, In boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The Marine replies, In our boot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.. Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around the drone but not hitting it. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! Unfortunately, the sun was shining Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating. Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Return to Humor Index. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? But I had the last laugh. During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. 28. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. March forth! 13. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. Eternal Piece What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. We are directly under the moon.. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster. The cook turned slowly to my father and said, Son, youre in the Army. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! Yes, she said. He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". She also liked her scotch. Military 3. Keeping it safe for democracy. Lori Shandle-Fox. One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. Stay out of clouds. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. But something struck me as odd. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. Air Traffic Control 6. He finally comes dragging in at. Thanks. Why won't you kiss me? Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. What do hungry Marines eat? Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. Did it work? I was the tallest guy in line. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! Reluctantly, he showed it to me. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. Learn from the mistakes of others. When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. 50. These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?.
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